I know the panicked feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know that you’re up against the clock if a potential divorce is on the horizon. I’ve lived this. And, I was so sure that once the ink was dry on our divorce papers, my husband, the person I loved most in this world, would be gone from my life forever. So, I know that you might just be tempted to pull out all of the stops or to try something desperate to stop the divorce. But, I can also tell you from experience that this will often backfire too and make a reconciliation harder in the end.
In my experience, there’s a much better way to get him back. And, it doesn’t include ultimatums, or pleads, or even legal maneuvering. It just includes understanding male psychology and playing the game to win. I’ll explain this more in the following article.
Using Any Doubts That He Might Have About The Divorce To Your Advantage: I have a blog where I share the story of how I was able to share my marriage. I actually have many husbands who email me and tell me that, deep down, they aren’t sure if the divorce is the right thing. But, that they just can’t imagine things getting any better.
In my experience, very few people go into a divorce, trial split, or separation absolutely sure that it’s the right thing to do. Instead, usually a divorce (or the threat of one) is sort of throwing up your hands because you feel like you’re out of options.
It’s important to understand this, because that doubt leaves you a tiny bit of wiggle room. Of course, you shouldn’t come right out and say this. Just keep in mind as you implement the tactics that I’m about the outline. I want for you to remember this because the cornerstone of this plan is confidence. So, if you go into this sure that you must perform miracles to change his mind, you’re not going to be able to pull off the self confidence that is needed. But, if you know in your heart that he is likely feeling some doubt or regret, your mind set is going to be a lot more conducive to what you need to convey.
Understanding What He Really Wants From You: Many wives believe that they have to be subservient or become the second class citizen in the marriage to lure their husbands back. They make all kinds of promises and assure the husband that they can “make him happy.”
In truth, no one can “make” someone else do something. But, you can create an atmosphere and experiences that are conducive to happiness. Husbands are not attracted to women who are begging, engaging, desperately negotiating, etc. You’ll have a far greater chance of success if you come off as confident, capable, and coping.
It’s human nature to want what you can’t have. Don’t mistake this for pulling away or acting as if you’ve washed you hands of him. Instead, you want to make clear that you’d very much like to save the marriage, but that you respect whatever decision that he makes and are going to make the best of it without him. And, really, this is the part that often does the trick.
Get Moving Rather Than Moping: Again, it’s so important that you portray classy confidence right now. Don’t let your husband see you (or know) that you are sitting on the couch with Ben and Jerry’s and watching old movies. Instead, get out there and have fun (or at least act like you are.) This will very often get back to him.
Another good tactic is to go out and get together with mutual friends. This will most definitely get back to him and will very likely peak his interest. Many wives ask me if they should let their husband’s think that they are seeing or are interested in someone else. My opinion on this is no. If he thinks or comes to this conclusion on this own, so be it. But, you really want to portray yourself as a wife who still loves her husband but one who is vibrant enough to make the best of it.
Creating Positive Experiences That May Turn This Around: Your number one goal right now is to transform your husband’s perception of you from negative to positive. So, when your new attitude peaks his interest, you want to use that as an opportunity to create positive perceptions and experiences. Make every encounter and interaction count. Be very careful of how you’re portraying yourself. You want to show him that you’re still the happy, vibrant, exciting woman that he first fell in love with so that he wants to see more of you.
And, you want to slowly build on positive interactions. Always move slowly. Don’t push. Don’t be needy or doubtful. All of these things elicit negative emotions, which you just can’ t afford right now.