Created To Bond – Changes That Heal – Part I

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Since God is a relational being and we were created in His image, we are too relational. We were created as relational animals and it does not matter who we are or what we may possess materially, we still need an emotional connection to other human beings. When we are outside of relationship, we lack the very essence that makes us who we are as a person. One of the most pervasive truths is that close connection with others is fundamental to our existence.

It has been said that no man is an island. Every person on the earth is related to someone else through family, associations, employment, religion and a myriad of other ways. At our very core we are relational beings and must be connected in some ay to others. In order to survive we draw on the resources of others for things that we do not have within ourselves nor can provide for ourselves without the assistance of someone else.

If we are to prosper and grow, we need to be connected to God and to one another. This connection fuels our transformation and causes us to blossom and bear fruit. Many times we find ourselves in a state of barrenness because we think that we can survive without other people. It is evidenced in some of our verbal expressions such as, "I can do it on my own; I do not need you; I do not need nobody."

As this attitude of emotional and spiritual isolation continues serious problems arise because with relationships to others we can not be ourselves. This lack of relationship and bonding about alienation and a sense of emptiness that leads to pain, depression and hatred. Often times we remain in this state not understanding that it is the lack of relationship that is causing the pain and we are not willing to renew relationships in order to alleviate that pain.

This unwillingness leads to our tying to hold ourselves together not knowing that in order to do so we need the support of those whom we refuse to connect with. Therefore, we find that we remain alone and our world becomes increasingly chaotic. Truly, no man is an island for even an island must be in relationship even if it is with what is not like it (the ocean) otherwise it could not be what it is.

Developing And Renewing Relationships

We are born in a state of non-conformity. We move from a warm, safe environment to a harsh and cold one. Often the first thing we feel is pain as the doctor or nurse whacks us on the behind. We are now in a position where we have to depend on fallible people to care for us. Yet, as we grow, time and the relationship that develops with others, particularly our mother, help us to begin the bonding process. Many people believe that as children, we automatically love our mother. They have not come to the understanding that the emotional bond between a mother and child is one that develops through the love, closeness and care that the mother provides for the child. As time passes, the child internalizes his mother's care and comfort that gives him a greater sense of security. It fills his memory storehouse with thousands of loving memories from which to draw in times of loneliness and grief. These memories are also an encouragement to him during his passage through hard times in his life because they leave an indelible impression on him as to his worth. This impression is a means for him to have a sense of being emotionally secure in who he is even though he may be alone. It also helps him to connect with others.

All sorts of emotional, psychological, and neurological processes begin in a child based on the child's emotional bond with its mother. As the child develops and is nurtured he develops a sense of security and belonging. This is the mechanism that propels the child out into the world to establish other friendships and helps him to bond as he begins to feel as apart of the group.

In time, this confidence that emerges from being a part of something larger than themselves leads to a desire to separate from their home and enter into the adult world where emotional attachment can be formed to fuel and support them for the rest of their lives.

Source by Franklyn T. Johnson, Ph.D.

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